Forgiveness

I am haunted by the things my younger self did and how she treated people. She is not the person I am today. I’ve done enough work to know she served me in some way back then but I haven’t been able to forgive myself enough so the memories don’t haunt me.

Even after all of these years, and all of the work I’ve done, they pop into my head at random times. I always have a reaction. The memories make me sad for the people I hurt and ashamed of myself for the things I did and said. I know she was in pain. I know she needed to be comforted. I know she needed support and guidance that no one was able to give due to their own trauma and our collective familial trauma. I’m working hard to clear that trauma from our family line.

I’m not sure when I’ll reach the point in my healing journey where I have totally forgiven my younger self for the things she did and have accepted her completely for who she was – a child, then a woman in pain with unresolved trauma.

I hope some day I will not be haunted by the bad memories and I won’t feel the shame of her actions. And with total forgiveness.

For now, it’s a work in progress.

From the Heart.